(This is the transcript of my presentation to the Unity Church of Clearwater Valley, Lewiston, Idaho on Sunday, May 18, 2008. I am especially proud of this because I gave this speech without consulting any notes.)
Today, I'm going to talk about watering weeds. When my husband and I lived in Arizona, we put our house up on some land that realtors like to refer to as "unimproved property." It wasn't just unimproved; it was raw. It was nothing more than a piece of Arizona desert covered with a liberal dotting of very thorny mesquite trees, a tangle of scrub brush, and a sea of chest high, dry, prickly weeds. My husband liked to say that everything native to Arizona had fangs, claws, and was poisonous - and that was just the plant life. But, we braved the plant life, moved onto the property, and set about taming the wild weeds.
Eventually, the mesquite trees began to look like actual trees and we had cleared enough brush and weeds that I no longer had to hire safari guides every time I walked to the mailbox. But, our pride and joy was the grass. It got to the point when once the summer rains came, you could see a sheen of green over our property and if you looked closely enough, sure enough, you could see grass. We nurtured it, babied it, and coaxed it. We even pleaded with it a time or two, but we always, always fought the weeds. It was a never-ending battle. Have you ever noticed how a weed will grow where nothing else will? That's because some weeds have the ability to establish themselves and choke out all other forms of life. So, I knew that if I didn't keep after my weeds, they'd get after me and I'd have to hire safari guides again.
But, there was one plant that was an exception. This plant grew about three feet tall and was composed of a series of tall, spindly stalks that came up from the ground from a single point. Each stalk was covered with hundreds of tiny apricot colored blossoms and it stayed in bloom from spring, all the way through the blistering summer, and into autumn. It was so pretty, I didn't have the heart to pull it.
I remembered my brother telling me many years ago that the technical definition of a weed is any unwanted plant - any unwanted plant. He said that by that definition, you could have a bed full of American Beauty roses and if you didn't want them, they could be considered weeds. That's an odd perspective but it's one that holds true to so many things today especially when I think about all the beliefs we develop and defend based on perspective alone. Odd or not, it was enough justification for me to tend the plant. Some time after we moved onto the property, a neighbor came by and identified the plant for me as apricot mallow. Shortly after she identified it, I saw it advertised in one of those seed, nursery catalogues and they were selling it for a tidy sum. I thought how fortunate I was to have it growing wild on my property. Well, it grew wild on everyone's property. I, however, was the only one who watered mine. We had another neighbor who loved to tease me about it too. Every time he drove by and saw me outside, regardless of what I'd be doing, he'd yell from his truck, "There's Ronnie, watering her weeds again!" I encouraged his teasing. I had fun with it and we both enjoyed it. But, for as much fun as I had, it made me think.
How many of us have our own inner gardens of growth? Over the years, I've noticed that mine has had plenty of weeds. I think of these weeds as undesirable pieces of my personality, my mannerisms, habits, or traits; the ways I react to things - the buttons that get pushed. Just like in an external garden, some weeds are easy to get rid of. You can pull them up by the roots, toss them away, and you're rid of them. Other weeds are impossible to pull. Those are the weeds that didn't grow overnight and their roots go very deep. Other weeds are persistent. No matter how many times you pull them, they keep coming back. So, I dedicated my focus on tending my inner garden because I didn't want my weeds to choke out my other forms of life - my other ways of expressing myself; my God light. But, I began to notice that the more I focused on my weeds, the more of them I saw.
Now, it's common knowledge that the more we look for something, the more likely we are to see it. In fact, sometimes we can focus on something so much that it's the only thing we see. But, there's the other hand. (With me, there's always the other hand). In this case, the other hand is the law of attraction. It's my understanding that the law of attraction works when we focus on something so much that we begin to experience its energies. Once we experience the energies, we align them with ours and when energies align, they attract to one another, like magnets.
So now, I was in quite a quandry. How was I ever going to rid my garden of weeds if I didn't focus on them? How was I going to rid my garden of weeds if I did? I eventually figured out that all I had to do, to rid my garden of weeds, was to quit watering them. That's not saying that I ignored them or denied that they existed, but that I didn't have to focus all my attention on them. And when I stepped back and "detached" from my weeds, I noticed that not all of them were unwanted. Just like my apricot mallow, there were some I didn't want to get rid of.
For example, I have been told many, many times in my life that I'm stubborn. I'm also Scottish and for a Scot, being stubborn is a matter of national pride. But as I detached from my weed of stubbornness, I noticed something so obvious - but something I'd never seen until I detached. I discovered that people told me I was stubborn only when I disagreed with them - never when I agreed. Never, in all my life whenever I've agreed with someone have they ever said, "Boy, Ronnie, you sure are stubborn!" I saw this as labeling me - not labeling the "who" of who I was, but labeling my manner of expression.
All labels limit...All labels limit. Even the labels of "good." Whenever we label something as "good," we limit it from expressing itself beyond the boundaries of what we've determined as good. We put it into a box of everything that's good and if it expresses itself outside the boundaries of that box, one of two things may happen. We stop seeing it as good or we stop seeing it altogether. There are many people who have a fundamental or traditional view of God and they've put God in this box that they've labeled as "good" or "divine" or "all powerful" or even simply as everything that feels good. God is larger than any box any human can build and on occasion, God expresses outside that box. That's when life can get confusing and people will start to ask, "Why? Why did God let that happen? Why does God allow this to continue?...Just what kind of a God are you anyway?"
These are wonderful questions! For many, this is their first recognition and acknowledgment that God is larger than that box they've so conveniently stuffed Him into. I encourage people to challenge God. God doesn't care. His shoulders are broad. And, if you can't trust God for mercy, who can you trust?
So, when someone labeled me, or when I labeled myself as stubborn, I was limiting myself. From this, I saw that whenever ego (the false self) insists that we label ourselves, it is demanding that we limit ourselves. When we use labels to limit others, we're using them to try to control others. We all know that it's impossible to control or change anyone else. The only person in our life that we can ever change is ourself. We all know this. So, why is the world full of people who insist on trying to control others? And, what's even more mystifying, why do their efforts seem to work? What tool were people using to try to get me to change?
The more I detached from my stubbornness, the more clearly I saw it. Again, this detachment didn't mean that I quit being stubborn. It meant that while I was experiencing the energies of stubbornness I was able to step outside of myself and watch - observe myself being stubborn; to be aware of how I felt about my stubbornness. When I did that, I saw that the tool that people use to try to change others is guilt. But, it wasn't their guilt they were instilling in me to get me to change. It was my guilt; my own guilt that I brought up from within myself to my own detriment and my own limitation. That's when I saw that guilt is the only weapon of control for which the recipient determines the severity of force. When I saw this, I also saw that there were times I didn't want to stop being stubborn. There have been times in my life when I've had to stand up for my convictions and I lacked the courage. So, I used stubbornness as a crutch - a temporary tool to get me through. It was a weed I didn't want to get rid of.
I can also be terribly indecisive. I was raised in Unity Church in Columbus, Ohio and I remember that the church had a practice of celebrating the children's birthdays by inviting them up to the chancel to pick a gift - a small, inexpensive gift that would attract a child. My big day came and I was called up to the chancel and was offered the choice between a small child's purse and a box of crayons. Now, I was at the age where I had noticed that my mother had a purse and I wanted one too. So, I saw that purse and I really wanted it. But then, I saw the crayons - big, shiny, bright, fat crayons! I loved crayons - I still do. I couldn't get enough crayons. So there I stood debating between something I so deeply wanted and something I so dearly loved. And while I debated, the congregation of about 200 people...waited. And they waited...[long pause]...and they waited. Finally the minister said, "Honey, why don't we put these away for now and while you're in Sunday school you can think about it, and when you come out, you can pick the one you want." I didn't want to do that. I'm stubborn, remember? Finally, I made the gut-wrenching choice and returned to my seat amid the collective sighs of 200 people.
I can remember my father telling me, "Ronnie, if you were a mule" - again, there's a reference to my stubbornness - "If you were a mule standing exactly in the middle between of two piles of hay of equal size, you'd starve to death because you couldn't decide which one to eat from first." When I was a senior in high school, all my friends and classmates knew not only what college they wanted to attend, but also what they wanted to major in. I couldn't decide. I was interested in everything from A to Z - from astronomy to zoology (which happens to be the study of zoos). To this day, I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up. I've been indecisive all my life.
But, this indecisiveness has allowed me to see multiple sides to issues. Maybe it's been seeing multiple sides that's made me indecisive. It's one hand washing the other - either way works. Because of this, I'm not so prone to say, "It's my way or the highway" or "this is what I want and I don't even want to consider your side," or "this is how I see it; end of story." Because of this, I had a prior job in Arizona where I was used as a mediator between management and the workforce and I was honored to do this. Not many people can mediate between the two sides.
At this same job, I had a boss who became my professional mentor. I remember him telling me once, "Ronnie, I surround myself with the most capable, competent staff I can find because I'm lazy." I decided, right then, that I wanted to be lazy too. But, I didn't just want to be lazy; I wanted to be successfully lazy. I love coming up with all sorts of innovative ways to waste my time but in order for me to do that, I have to have the time. I currently have a job that has many duties and responsibilities, all of which have to be done either at a certain time or by a certain time. I can't control what might crop up in the meantime so I have to be organized and efficient at what I do. My current supervisor likes to tease me on occasion by saying, "Ronnie, I'm having a hard time getting used to your efficiency." I tease him back and I say, "I keep telling you, I'm lazy."
So, someone can justifiably say, "Ronnie, you're lazy, indecisive, and stubborn to boot." When I look at these traits as weeds, and especially if I water them with guilt, they can be a deadly combination. So, any more, when I notice that I'm watering my weeds, I try not to pay as much attention to the weed that I'm watering as I pay to the act of watering it. What am I watering my weed with? Am I watering it with guilt or with love? How do I feel about it? Do I feel uncomfortable, or accepting? And whenever I insist on continuing to water my weeds, I have to ask, "What part of a loving God wants to keep me in darkness, stunted, and struggling for life? What part of a loving God wants to cast blame or shame?
I'm going to talk about William Shakespeare for just a moment. He has a line in a play, and I honestly don't remember if it is "Hamlet" or "Macbeth" but the scene is a father talking to his son and the father says, "This above all else, to thine own self be true. And it must follow as night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." What was Shakespeare saying? How we see or treat ourselves is the same way we see and treat everyone else. I'm not good at all at quoting scripture, but didn't the Christ say, "What you do unto the least of my bretheren you also do unto me." What was he saying? Whatever you do to others, you also do to yourself. So, here we have two issues that are opposite sides of the same coin. What I do to others, I do to myself. What I do to myself, I do to everyone else. Why is that? Why do both of these work?
They work because we are all ONE. We are all together, God. And every one of you, without exception, is God's most perfect expression of His Divine, Living Light. So, give yourself the grace and compassion of forgiveness. Only when you forgive yourself, can you truly love yourself. When you love yourself, you can't help but love everyone else. And when you love yourself and others, you truly honor God.
Thank you very much.
Today, I'm going to talk about watering weeds. When my husband and I lived in Arizona, we put our house up on some land that realtors like to refer to as "unimproved property." It wasn't just unimproved; it was raw. It was nothing more than a piece of Arizona desert covered with a liberal dotting of very thorny mesquite trees, a tangle of scrub brush, and a sea of chest high, dry, prickly weeds. My husband liked to say that everything native to Arizona had fangs, claws, and was poisonous - and that was just the plant life. But, we braved the plant life, moved onto the property, and set about taming the wild weeds.
Eventually, the mesquite trees began to look like actual trees and we had cleared enough brush and weeds that I no longer had to hire safari guides every time I walked to the mailbox. But, our pride and joy was the grass. It got to the point when once the summer rains came, you could see a sheen of green over our property and if you looked closely enough, sure enough, you could see grass. We nurtured it, babied it, and coaxed it. We even pleaded with it a time or two, but we always, always fought the weeds. It was a never-ending battle. Have you ever noticed how a weed will grow where nothing else will? That's because some weeds have the ability to establish themselves and choke out all other forms of life. So, I knew that if I didn't keep after my weeds, they'd get after me and I'd have to hire safari guides again.
But, there was one plant that was an exception. This plant grew about three feet tall and was composed of a series of tall, spindly stalks that came up from the ground from a single point. Each stalk was covered with hundreds of tiny apricot colored blossoms and it stayed in bloom from spring, all the way through the blistering summer, and into autumn. It was so pretty, I didn't have the heart to pull it.
I remembered my brother telling me many years ago that the technical definition of a weed is any unwanted plant - any unwanted plant. He said that by that definition, you could have a bed full of American Beauty roses and if you didn't want them, they could be considered weeds. That's an odd perspective but it's one that holds true to so many things today especially when I think about all the beliefs we develop and defend based on perspective alone. Odd or not, it was enough justification for me to tend the plant. Some time after we moved onto the property, a neighbor came by and identified the plant for me as apricot mallow. Shortly after she identified it, I saw it advertised in one of those seed, nursery catalogues and they were selling it for a tidy sum. I thought how fortunate I was to have it growing wild on my property. Well, it grew wild on everyone's property. I, however, was the only one who watered mine. We had another neighbor who loved to tease me about it too. Every time he drove by and saw me outside, regardless of what I'd be doing, he'd yell from his truck, "There's Ronnie, watering her weeds again!" I encouraged his teasing. I had fun with it and we both enjoyed it. But, for as much fun as I had, it made me think.
How many of us have our own inner gardens of growth? Over the years, I've noticed that mine has had plenty of weeds. I think of these weeds as undesirable pieces of my personality, my mannerisms, habits, or traits; the ways I react to things - the buttons that get pushed. Just like in an external garden, some weeds are easy to get rid of. You can pull them up by the roots, toss them away, and you're rid of them. Other weeds are impossible to pull. Those are the weeds that didn't grow overnight and their roots go very deep. Other weeds are persistent. No matter how many times you pull them, they keep coming back. So, I dedicated my focus on tending my inner garden because I didn't want my weeds to choke out my other forms of life - my other ways of expressing myself; my God light. But, I began to notice that the more I focused on my weeds, the more of them I saw.
Now, it's common knowledge that the more we look for something, the more likely we are to see it. In fact, sometimes we can focus on something so much that it's the only thing we see. But, there's the other hand. (With me, there's always the other hand). In this case, the other hand is the law of attraction. It's my understanding that the law of attraction works when we focus on something so much that we begin to experience its energies. Once we experience the energies, we align them with ours and when energies align, they attract to one another, like magnets.
So now, I was in quite a quandry. How was I ever going to rid my garden of weeds if I didn't focus on them? How was I going to rid my garden of weeds if I did? I eventually figured out that all I had to do, to rid my garden of weeds, was to quit watering them. That's not saying that I ignored them or denied that they existed, but that I didn't have to focus all my attention on them. And when I stepped back and "detached" from my weeds, I noticed that not all of them were unwanted. Just like my apricot mallow, there were some I didn't want to get rid of.
For example, I have been told many, many times in my life that I'm stubborn. I'm also Scottish and for a Scot, being stubborn is a matter of national pride. But as I detached from my weed of stubbornness, I noticed something so obvious - but something I'd never seen until I detached. I discovered that people told me I was stubborn only when I disagreed with them - never when I agreed. Never, in all my life whenever I've agreed with someone have they ever said, "Boy, Ronnie, you sure are stubborn!" I saw this as labeling me - not labeling the "who" of who I was, but labeling my manner of expression.
All labels limit...All labels limit. Even the labels of "good." Whenever we label something as "good," we limit it from expressing itself beyond the boundaries of what we've determined as good. We put it into a box of everything that's good and if it expresses itself outside the boundaries of that box, one of two things may happen. We stop seeing it as good or we stop seeing it altogether. There are many people who have a fundamental or traditional view of God and they've put God in this box that they've labeled as "good" or "divine" or "all powerful" or even simply as everything that feels good. God is larger than any box any human can build and on occasion, God expresses outside that box. That's when life can get confusing and people will start to ask, "Why? Why did God let that happen? Why does God allow this to continue?...Just what kind of a God are you anyway?"
These are wonderful questions! For many, this is their first recognition and acknowledgment that God is larger than that box they've so conveniently stuffed Him into. I encourage people to challenge God. God doesn't care. His shoulders are broad. And, if you can't trust God for mercy, who can you trust?
So, when someone labeled me, or when I labeled myself as stubborn, I was limiting myself. From this, I saw that whenever ego (the false self) insists that we label ourselves, it is demanding that we limit ourselves. When we use labels to limit others, we're using them to try to control others. We all know that it's impossible to control or change anyone else. The only person in our life that we can ever change is ourself. We all know this. So, why is the world full of people who insist on trying to control others? And, what's even more mystifying, why do their efforts seem to work? What tool were people using to try to get me to change?
The more I detached from my stubbornness, the more clearly I saw it. Again, this detachment didn't mean that I quit being stubborn. It meant that while I was experiencing the energies of stubbornness I was able to step outside of myself and watch - observe myself being stubborn; to be aware of how I felt about my stubbornness. When I did that, I saw that the tool that people use to try to change others is guilt. But, it wasn't their guilt they were instilling in me to get me to change. It was my guilt; my own guilt that I brought up from within myself to my own detriment and my own limitation. That's when I saw that guilt is the only weapon of control for which the recipient determines the severity of force. When I saw this, I also saw that there were times I didn't want to stop being stubborn. There have been times in my life when I've had to stand up for my convictions and I lacked the courage. So, I used stubbornness as a crutch - a temporary tool to get me through. It was a weed I didn't want to get rid of.
I can also be terribly indecisive. I was raised in Unity Church in Columbus, Ohio and I remember that the church had a practice of celebrating the children's birthdays by inviting them up to the chancel to pick a gift - a small, inexpensive gift that would attract a child. My big day came and I was called up to the chancel and was offered the choice between a small child's purse and a box of crayons. Now, I was at the age where I had noticed that my mother had a purse and I wanted one too. So, I saw that purse and I really wanted it. But then, I saw the crayons - big, shiny, bright, fat crayons! I loved crayons - I still do. I couldn't get enough crayons. So there I stood debating between something I so deeply wanted and something I so dearly loved. And while I debated, the congregation of about 200 people...waited. And they waited...[long pause]...and they waited. Finally the minister said, "Honey, why don't we put these away for now and while you're in Sunday school you can think about it, and when you come out, you can pick the one you want." I didn't want to do that. I'm stubborn, remember? Finally, I made the gut-wrenching choice and returned to my seat amid the collective sighs of 200 people.
I can remember my father telling me, "Ronnie, if you were a mule" - again, there's a reference to my stubbornness - "If you were a mule standing exactly in the middle between of two piles of hay of equal size, you'd starve to death because you couldn't decide which one to eat from first." When I was a senior in high school, all my friends and classmates knew not only what college they wanted to attend, but also what they wanted to major in. I couldn't decide. I was interested in everything from A to Z - from astronomy to zoology (which happens to be the study of zoos). To this day, I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up. I've been indecisive all my life.
But, this indecisiveness has allowed me to see multiple sides to issues. Maybe it's been seeing multiple sides that's made me indecisive. It's one hand washing the other - either way works. Because of this, I'm not so prone to say, "It's my way or the highway" or "this is what I want and I don't even want to consider your side," or "this is how I see it; end of story." Because of this, I had a prior job in Arizona where I was used as a mediator between management and the workforce and I was honored to do this. Not many people can mediate between the two sides.
At this same job, I had a boss who became my professional mentor. I remember him telling me once, "Ronnie, I surround myself with the most capable, competent staff I can find because I'm lazy." I decided, right then, that I wanted to be lazy too. But, I didn't just want to be lazy; I wanted to be successfully lazy. I love coming up with all sorts of innovative ways to waste my time but in order for me to do that, I have to have the time. I currently have a job that has many duties and responsibilities, all of which have to be done either at a certain time or by a certain time. I can't control what might crop up in the meantime so I have to be organized and efficient at what I do. My current supervisor likes to tease me on occasion by saying, "Ronnie, I'm having a hard time getting used to your efficiency." I tease him back and I say, "I keep telling you, I'm lazy."
So, someone can justifiably say, "Ronnie, you're lazy, indecisive, and stubborn to boot." When I look at these traits as weeds, and especially if I water them with guilt, they can be a deadly combination. So, any more, when I notice that I'm watering my weeds, I try not to pay as much attention to the weed that I'm watering as I pay to the act of watering it. What am I watering my weed with? Am I watering it with guilt or with love? How do I feel about it? Do I feel uncomfortable, or accepting? And whenever I insist on continuing to water my weeds, I have to ask, "What part of a loving God wants to keep me in darkness, stunted, and struggling for life? What part of a loving God wants to cast blame or shame?
I'm going to talk about William Shakespeare for just a moment. He has a line in a play, and I honestly don't remember if it is "Hamlet" or "Macbeth" but the scene is a father talking to his son and the father says, "This above all else, to thine own self be true. And it must follow as night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." What was Shakespeare saying? How we see or treat ourselves is the same way we see and treat everyone else. I'm not good at all at quoting scripture, but didn't the Christ say, "What you do unto the least of my bretheren you also do unto me." What was he saying? Whatever you do to others, you also do to yourself. So, here we have two issues that are opposite sides of the same coin. What I do to others, I do to myself. What I do to myself, I do to everyone else. Why is that? Why do both of these work?
They work because we are all ONE. We are all together, God. And every one of you, without exception, is God's most perfect expression of His Divine, Living Light. So, give yourself the grace and compassion of forgiveness. Only when you forgive yourself, can you truly love yourself. When you love yourself, you can't help but love everyone else. And when you love yourself and others, you truly honor God.
Thank you very much.
