" 'Want' and 'desire' are two entirely different things," Gabriel said. "Want implies lack. Whenever you daydream about having more money, you also daydream about having things that you lack."
I nodded, secretly hoping that we wouldn't get into discussing some of those things I'd daydreamed about -- mansions, yachts, exotic pets, and all the accoutrements that came with them.
"Have you ever daydreamed about the things you already have?" Gabriel asked, snapping my wandering thoughts back to the present.
"Excuse me?" I asked.
"Have you ever daydreamed about the furniture that you already own, or the pictures on your walls, or your knicknacks?"
"No. But that doesn't mean I don't want them."
"That's exactly what that means. Think about it. Before you came into possession of those things, you wanted them. When you obtained the things you wanted, you stopped wanting them. Substitute the word 'lack' for the word 'want.' You lacked something so you obtained it. Once you obtained it, you no longer lacked it."
"I still wanted it. I'm not in the habit of expending effort and money to obtain something that I want and then throwing it away just because I no longer want it."
"You're speaking of desire."
"You're using semantics," I countered.
"Think about this. Do you make an effort to own -- or do you even wish to own, everything you see that's pleasant or pleasing in some manner -- hot sports cars, elegant evening gowns, an island paradise, museum gallery artwork, a beautiful sunset?"
"Of course not. Besides, you can't own a sunset."
"Does that mean you don't desire it?"
"No. But that doesn't mean I don't want it either. Or, to use your words - I don't 'lack' it."
"Exactly. When you see a beautiful sunset, you feel you don't 'lack' it because...why?"
I thought about this for a moment. "Because I'm experiencing it."
Gabriel smiled. "That is desire."
"Are you saying that desire is experiencing something that's pleasant?"
"In part. That's why you don't throw away the new furniture or sports car that you just bought -- because you still desire it. Desire is all about feeling. Lack - or want, is all about having or not having something. Let's consider world peace. People want world peace because they perceive a lack of it. Then, let's say that all the people in the world find a way to live peaceably with one another, and everyone is happy with it. They still desire it. Whether or not world peace, or a beautiful sunset, new furniture, or new car is obtained, it is still desired. When you want -- or lack something, and the want is fulfilled, the want -- or lack, no longer exists. All that remains is desire."
"So," I spoke slowly, thinking about my words as I said them, "desire is more than an experience, it's a feeling."
"What's the difference?" Gabriel asked, throwing another curve ball at me. "How can you experience something without feeling it? How can you feel something without having some sort of experience associated with it?"
"Are you saying that desire is only something that you experience?"
"It's what you feel."
"So, using your words, one can say that God doesn't 'want' us to be happy or spiritually fulfilled," I said.
"God has everything because God is everything," Gabriel reminded me. "Since God is everything, God experiences all things. Experience is feeling. God doesn't want what God already has. God does, however, desire all things."
I thought about this several long moments. Finally, a peace -- an understanding began to fill me. That's when Gabriel smiled and vanished. Only the warmth of his smile remained.
Desire.
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