God, My Servant

I know a beautician who is facing the loss of her job when the beauty parlor she works in closes its doors and hangs out a "for sale" sign. This woman has decided that she wants to go into business for herself and work out of her home or her own small shop and she's asking others to pray for her; to pray that things will work out that way.

What is this woman really asking? What kind of prayer is she offering to God? Her prayer is not unlike thousands of others offered "up to God" on a daily basis. "Dear God, give me what I want and I won't bother you any more"; or "Dear God, get me through this crisis and I promise I'll be good"; or "Dear God, keep me from having to struggle and I'll love you forever."

In short, all these prayers are saying the same thing; "Dear God, please give in to my fear."

For those who are sincere in their requests, what happens when their prayers are answered (in the manner that they're expected to be answered)? The requester is thankful. The requester loves God even more. But, what kind of thankfulness or love can be built on a foundation of fear? What kind of thanksgiving or love is used as a tool of trade or a bargaining chip or a ticket to by-pass guilt?

For those who are sincere in their requests, what happens when their prayers aren't answered (in the expected manner)? The requester is often angry, confused, depressed, or resentful. And by this, they're punishing God. Maybe if they ignore Him, distrust Him, disobey Him, or show Him just how angry they are, God will be sorry and give them what they want.

If these scenarios seem too childish, examine closely the parallels of a temperamental child with an adult, and a fear-filled human being with God.

Yet, there are also many people who have grown beyond the "Dear God" phase. They can often be heard saying, "I just have to trust God." They "trust" God to know better than they do, what they want or need. Or, they "trust" God to not give them more than they can cope with. Yet so often, when the prayers aren't answered, this trust quickly turns to a sense of betrayal and the requester feels justified with his righteous indignation. Hasn't he merely set up God as a patsy or a "fall guy" for blame?

The underlying cause of all these behaviors is viewing God as outside one's self or apart from one's self. It's so much easier to blame someone or something else as the cause of misfortune or fear. And it's so much easier to allow ego that voice of false humility by attributing an external being with omnipotent power to create all fortune or happiness. Whether we view God as the cause of all fortune or misfortune, we're still placing ourselves in the victim mode.

As humans, we hold many images of God. In whatever form God appears to us, as long as we see that image as something external, we hold that image as our servant - to accept whatever responsibility we want to give it.

But, God is in all things. ALL things - to include every cell of my body, every atom, every nucleus, every DNA code, every thought, every emotion, every sensation, every feeling, every action. God and I are inseparable. All that I am, is God. I AM the Alpha and the Omega. I AM the creator and destroyer of all I experience and all that I AM.

(c) Ronnie Carroll
September 2008

Do You Believe?

My journey began with doubt.

Rene Descartes said, "If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things."

I was raised in the Unity Church; never clinging to the dogmatic rituals of Christianity, but accepting its tenets. I couldn't have been more than 9 years old when my belief system - or rather, my thought system began to change. I no longer viewed Jesus as the Son of God. From my perspective, at the time, he was more like the son of the devil; an impostor and a fraud and representing all that was truly ignoble in mankind. I was so uncomfortable with the image of The Christ that I couldn't even speak his name, nor could I look anyone in the eye when they said the name, "Jesus."

I carried that image into my early 20's when I began thinking for myself. After grappling with a lot of guilt about it, I concluded that Jesus wasn't all bad. After all, how many millions throughout the ages lived their lives in homage to, or seeking the grace of The Christ?

So, o.k., I finally admitted that Jesus was a good man; if nothing more than a wise and wonderful prophet. I was comfortable with this image not because it was what I was taught to believe, but was what I came to feel in my heart on my own terms. This image stayed with me well into my 40's until it began to change yet again.

Today, I have an image of Jesus that's far different than what the typical Christian icon presents. I've often thought about what his physical characteristics would be - having been born a Mediterranean Jew, and what his personality would be like, having lived in a society and country oppressed by Roman occupation.

But, I've come to see that my images of the man mean nothing. What matters is how I feel in my heart. Can the same be true for the vast majority of today's American Christian populace? How many people would still see Jesus as the Son of God if they were shown an image of him as an olive-skinned man with a hook nose and an unruly, unkempt tangle of black wavy or curly hair, who might be a bit hollow-cheeked from a poor diet?

From all this, I've asked myself, "What do people love more; Jesus the man, or their image of Jesus as a man? The same question applies to God. Do we worship God or merely the image we hold of God? Are our beliefs nothing more than glorified thoughts? What is the dividing line between a belief system and a thought system? Is there a dividing line at all?

Over the years, I've held many beliefs. In recent years, I've come to experience many spiritual truths. Each truth I experience becomes, in part, who I AM. These truths are as much a part of me as the color of my eyes or the sound of my voice. I no longer have to "believe in" them. Belief is not an option. So, when I ask myself if I believe in God, my answer is "no." What I have come to experience goes far beyond what any amount of belief could ever hope to achieve.

What do you believe? What have you come to know? How has it made you who you are?