Pay Attention to What You Pay Attention To

We are all spiritual Beings. We cannot not be. Being spiritual is our natural state of being. Yet, so much emphasis is placed on becoming spiritual or finding spirituality that we assume our spirituality is something we attain or acquire or come into. We tend to think that there are times when we're being spiritual - when everything in life seems to "click" or when we're feeling extraordinarily good about ourselves or our world, and other times, because we don't have this feeling, that we're not being spiritual. So, this further validates our belief that our spirituality is something we must find and hold on to. Nothing can be farther from the truth. Spirituality is not temporary or capricious or selective of who is more deserving. We are all spiritual Beings all the time. The sense of impermanence comes from our lack of attention to it.

This lack of attention is often termed "sleepwalking." Someone came up with the term "sleepwalking" and it seemed to stick because it seemed to be the best description of how we move through life without conscious awareness. But, because we now focus on the word "sleepwalking," we've attached all kinds of labels to lack of attention - dreaming, false reality, awakening, etc. Now, we're so focused on "waking up" that we're still not paying attention to what is already alive and awake within us.

All we need to do is pay attention to what we pay attention to. But how can we pay attention to something if we're already paying attention to it?

I'll put it this way...Let's say you're at work and are involved in a project. Your project has caught your entire attention, you're completely focused on it, you're making progress in it and are enthused about it. Time passes. All of a sudden, you "pull out" of your project, look at the clock and exclaim to yourself, "Wow! Look at the time! It's almost time to go home! Where did the time go? I'd better finish up so I can clock out."

What caused you to look up at the clock? Some may say it was blind chance or pure luck. Others might call it fate or synchronicity. I call it awareness. You were aware of the passage of time without having paid any attention to it.

Perhaps you're walking down the street and you're in a deep conversation with a friend or you're reading a letter or document. You don't notice your surroundings, but at some point, you slow down or alter your course slightly and continue walking and reading/talking. Let's say someone else who had been watching you stops you and says, "That was amazing! I was certain you'd run into that lamp post." You stop, break your concentration from whatever you were concentrating on and say, "What lamp post?" You look behind you. "Oh, yeah, that one," you say.

What caused you to avoid the lamp post? Awareness. Whether or not you notice something, you're aware of it. It's just a matter of paying attention to what you pay attention to. So, when you listen to that voice of spirit inside you, pay attention to the fact that you're listening to it. When you do, you'll notice it. When you consciously notice those things that you're already aware of, you feel in alignment with the All That Is, and this is what gives you the feeling that you "click" or that you're waking up. We are all spiritual Beings. All the time.

(c) 3/18/2009

When We're Held Hostage

How often have we heard someone say, "You don't know just how tough a time I've had" or "If you only knew what I had to go through..." (like walking 5 miles to school every day through the snow, uphill both ways or enduring the boss/coworker/neighbor/illness/accident from hell). Whenever I hear comments like those, I immediately ask myself why so many people wear their misery like it's a crown of glory. The obvious answer is because they're attached to it. But, I also know that every one of those people would flatly, even vehemently deny that they're attached to their misery. They'd give anything to get rid of it. So, what are they really attached to? Why do they choose to experience misery as a way of life?

They're attached to the drama of it. It's being in the midst of drama that allows people to feel that they're on center stage and the world is focused on them. It's the drama that gives meaning to existence. It's the drama that ego creates as a poor substitute for lack of joy. It's being in the middle of a drama that gives people the false sense that they can change the script - that ego has the power to change the beliefs of others or the outcome of circumstances. Ego tells us that life without drama would be boring. There would be nothing to overcome. There would be no challenges, struggles, or triumphs. Life would become meaningless. The peace of spirituality offers nothing but dull routine. So, people cling to their dramas. Drama is the only thing that makes them feel alive.

For those who love the drama, ego offers the following guarantee: As long as you believe that other people and external conditions are responsible for your happiness, or any condition of being, you will never live life; you will only be victimized by it. Even if you change the script, it is still just a script. No matter how adept you become at manifesting your dreams or fulfilling your wants, they are still external conditions that you rely on for your sense of well-being and your validation of self. You will never experience the freedom of being who you truly are; you will only experience what it is like to be held hostage by a false reality. If ego is the false self, what other than a false reality does it have to project or protect?

Ego knows nothing greater than itself and, therefore, views everything as a potential threat to it. Spirit knows that everything is part of the All and views everything as an opportunity for growth, joy, and expression of Divine Love. What's an easy way to tell the difference? You'd think the answer would be obvious, but for those people so caught up in the voice of ego that it's the only thing they hear, ego will tell them ANYTHING they want want to hear just to keep them dependent on listening to ego's voice (sort of like a politician and campaign promises). After all, ego's sole reason for existence is to validate its existence. It will use any means to do so. Like God, ego wears many faces. Regardless of the mask it wears, it's still holding you hostage. What ego never wants you to realize is that the gun it is pointing at you is loaded with blanks. The hostage situation that you find yourself in, is by your own creation and belief system. The only power that anything external holds is the power you give it.

So, how can we tell the difference between promises of great happiness and boundless joy; of excitement for life and a passion for living; of an honest existence and living in truth; of denying our materialistic wants and having a desire for all things? There are tremendous differences in all of these. I follow a simple axiom: If it isn't Divine Love, it's ego. Period.

But, what is Divine Love? Perhaps it is easier to define what Divine Love isn't rather than what it is. Contrary to everything I've been taught, I have come to know that Divine Love is NOT an emotion. Love, as humanity understands it, is so often predicated on validation. "I love you. I hope you love me." "I love you in spite of what you do or believe." "I'll love you if you'll love me." "I'll love you when you show me how much you love me." "I love you because you fulfill my expectations." This isn't love. It's commodity trading. This kind of love (emotional love) still holds us hostage because we are validating something external to ourselves as having greater value than our inner sense of being-ness. Ego interprets this as saying, "I love myself more than I love anything else." "I don't care how others feel about me because I only love myself." "I'm so wonderful that I can love others regardless of what they do or who they are." In our efforts to overcome ego, we deny its voice and end up refusing to love ourselves at all.

Although emotions (especially the emotion of love) can serve as a bridge between thought (intellect) and spirit, emotions are as tied to ego as thought is. We see something, we instantly form a judgment (even unconsciously), and from this judgment we create an emotional response which, in turn, validates our judgment, which instantly feeds our emotion(s) (and on, and on) all in the mere blink of an eye. Observe yourself and this process the next time you walk through an art gallery or watch a kitten playing or witness an act of violence or blatant discourtesy. Whenever experiencing any intense anger, whether it's toward a family member, friend, co-worker, or even a stranger, what is your first internal reaction? Is it to withhold love or affection or approval? This precise feeling is a trigger to help you see that your "love" is the commodity of emotion - to be traded, awarded, or withheld. This feeling is also the trigger of ego's gun that it's using to hold you hostage to a false reality.

I have come to experience Divine Love as the essence of existence. It's what bonds (without binding) all things as ONE. It is neither good nor bad, great or small, exuberant or subtle. It just IS. It is the core of all energies. It is eternal, lasting fully through this instant of now.

Once again, the voice of ego rises and says, "Does this mean that we're supposed to live our lives without judgment - without caring about crime or war or man's inhumanity to man? Does this mean that we have carte blanche to be sociopaths or self-serving hedonists?" No it does not. But, ego, in its endless quest to validate itself and hold you hostage, will misinterpret the voice of spirit. Ego will warp its own false reality. It will confuse feeling "bad" with being "wrong" and will confuse feeling "good" with being "right." It will hold us hostage to the script (drama) that we create in our quest for happiness which the ego has convinced us is the same thing as doing the "right" thing. And, if anything goes "wrong" in our drama, we can always blame someone (including ourselves) because, certainly we, as children of God, wouldn't consciously create anything to cause harm or negativity. Spirituality is smarter than ego. Right?

Spirituality has nothing to do with intelligence, or with "outsmarting" ego. Being spiritual has nothing to do with how well you can manifest financial security or a stable life or better health. Being spiritual is about maintaining inner peace and expressing Divine Love regardless of what our finances, life, or health are like. We are humans. We live in a material world. We deal with it in the manner that best facilitates our human life while at the same time, promotes our spiritual growth. If this means quitting a job or divorcing a spouse or moving to a different location when your job, marriage, or home no longer serves your growth, then do so. If this means celebrating your promotion or getting married or redecorating your home, do that too. But, take care that you do it to serve spiritual growth, not to "feel good" or make yourself "happy."

Happiness is just one of the many weapons in ego's arsenal. Its biggest (or greatest) is the weapon of fear. Since fear is the root of ALL negativity, one could say that ego's only weapon is fear - but it's a big one. Fear isn't limited to survival. Fear is prevalent in all phases of life. "What if I lose my job? What if I do something that makes me look stupid (to the people who are important to me)? What if my idea isn't accepted (by the people I want to impress)? What if my boss catches me goofing off? What if I make a mistake? What if someone makes me feel ashamed or guilty or rejected or abandoned (when I need their love to make me happy)? What if I have an accident? What if I'm late for my appointment? What if I ruin the pot roast for my guests? What if the doctor says I have an incurable disease?" Fear is so pervasive that it can be said to rule our lives. We cope with our fears by avoiding whatever makes us afraid. We obey the law because we're afraid of being fined or arrested. We file our taxes because we're afraid of the IRS. We show up to those jobs we hate because we're afraid of being fired. We placate our spouses/friends/family members because we're afraid of their scorn. We follow God's commandments because we're afraid of going to hell. Ask yourself if your relationship with your boss/job/family/friends/God is a true relationship or a hostage situation.

The energies of fear are the quickest and most assured way of blocking the flow of the energies of Divine Love. Why else does ego LOVE fear? How else can it hold you not only hostage, but enslaved to its insanity? So, how do you combat that fear? How do you escape the hostage situation? With every event in your life - EVERY event (major, minor, or seemingly meaningless), ask yourself, "How can this serve my spiritual growth?" In this, you will find acceptance for all things. Acceptance doesn't mean having to "like" something or even settle for what's handed to you. The first is faking reality. The second is victim-hood. Acceptance is finding opportunity for growth and for allowing the energies of Divine Love to flow.

When you find your center in inner peace, ego no longer has power over you (the power that your intellect and emotions gave it in the first place - the power that ego gave itself). It can no longer hold you hostage.

(c) 12/12/2008

The Illusions of Ego

Ego is often referred to as “the false self” and when I speak of ego, I’m not just talking about pride or expressions of inflated self-esteem. I’m speaking of all the ways of being that we get drawn into when we express ourselves as anything other than our true loving light.

Since ego is the false self, what other than illusion does it have to offer? I have often said that ego LOVES to be entertained – even if it’s entertained by being bored. Boredom too is ego. Ego uses entertainment to keep us diverted from our paths of spiritual growth. In this case, “entertainment” isn’t merely going to movies or playing games. Entertainment for the ego is the drama of any emotion: anger, jealousy, rage, betrayal, pride, competition, self-righteousness, sarcasm, depression, despair, confusion, and most of all, fear.

Diversion, magic, or illusion are ego’s greatest pleasures for these things keep it entertained as well as keep us focused away from our spiritual growth. Growth means “death” or an end to the ego. And, since justifying its existence is ego’s sole reason for existence, it will use any and every method of diversion to keep us feeding it as well as feeding off of it. It’s a two-way street. We supply it with the energy that it uses to keep us entertained. It is our entertainment which supplies ego with its energy.

Nonetheless, I went for some entertainment recently and watched the movie, “The Incredible Hulk” (the re-make starring Edward Norton). Ever since the movie was released (some time last summer), I have steadfastly refused to watch it, believing that it was nothing more inspiring than the original television series starring Bill Bixby (as “Bruce”) and Lou Ferrigno as the Hulk. Basically, every time Bruce got angry, he turned into a raging monster and destroyed things.

A number of friends assured me that in the re-made movie, this wasn’t the case. Mild-mannered Bruce practices Zen meditation to help him control his anger. I was all for this approach, as I often recommend meditation on the inner self and contemplating infinity and the wisdom of the All found in the eternity of “nothing.” It’s called “Dharma” by some, yin/yang by others, Zen, Tao, the “Ohmm” of mantra…you name it.

True, Bruce in the movie did practice Zen. His Zen master (teacher) made the comment that controlling one’s body was the key to controlling one’s anger. He even did some impressive displays for the camera to show how well he could control his body, breathing, and diaphragm. However, I have to ask, is inner peace all about how well you can control your anger or fear?

No. It is not.

Inner peace is all about not having anger or fear to control in the first place. But, ego LOVES to be entertained. Anger and fear are its greatest sources of entertainment. As long as you believe that peace is about control, ego will keep providing you fear and anger to control. You’ll eventually become a master of control but never a master of peace. When you’re focused through ego, you can only see a false reality.

How many problems are you currently facing in your life, or how many people do you see who face challenge after challenge, overcoming one only to face another? Existence from problem to problem is a mark of addiction to drama. It is ego’s entertainment. All things exist as energies, and at their core, all energies are the same. It is only our perceptions of them that make them appear as they are to us. When you encounter a challenge, whatever you perceive it to be, it is nothing more than your non-acceptance of what that energy is at its core.

By “acceptance,” I don’t mean taking what’s handed to you or settling for only what you can obtain. That’s acquiescence, and acquiescence is never acceptance. It’s victim hood. As long as you perceive any energy (feeling or emotion) as originating from outside of yourself, you’re not recognizing your power as the Creator of it, and being responsible for it. It is ego, however, that wants you to view it as externally generated, for as long as you view yourself as striving for something, you won’t view yourself as already having or being. This includes things like inner peace, harmony, balance, enlightenment, and love.

You’ve been shown this principle in action many times throughout your lives. How often have you looked back on an event that transpired, that you once viewed as a problem, only to realize that if it hadn’t happened, you wouldn’t be in the “better” place where you are today? You came to see that your challenge was merely an opportunity; an opportunity for change or resolution or advancement. You then had a sudden clarity of vision and acceptance for the event and its energies. With this clarity and acceptance, you discovered peace.

Peace is in the acceptance of all energies and their possibilities, not about controlling them. It’s only when we try to control things that the appearance of another energy seems like an intrusion or problem. Contrary to what ego wants you to perceive, control isn’t about power. It’s about non-acceptance. Non-acceptance creates blockage to spiritual growth. Blockage empowers ego. Ego creates illusion for its own advancement. The more it advances or grows, the more adept it becomes at creating illusion.

Strive for clarity of vision. With clarity come changes in perspective and perception. These changes allow greater acceptance. Acceptance is peace. Ego and its illusions fade.

Faith, Hope, Belief, & Trust

I came into a bit of money about a year ago. I immediately put the bulk of it into savings and decided to go on a shopping spree with the rest of it. At last, I'd be able to walk through a store and get anything and everything I wanted. After spending several hours going first to one place and then another, and walking up and down aisles to the point of exhaustion, I ended up spending a grand total of 57 cents on a couple of skeins of embroidery floss. But, I learned something very valuable from the experience.

Even though I was far from exceeding my budget, I still couldn't spend past my comfort level of spending. Without regard to prices, I felt uncomfortable picking something off a display and putting it in my shopping cart simply because I wanted it at the moment. I had never spent recklessly or wantonly in my life, having been too accustomed to always operating within a budget - within limitation. It wouldn't have mattered if I'd had $50 or $500,000, I still set my limitation and confined myself within it.

From that, I learned that it doesn't matter how wealthy or poor a person is -- all that matters is how wealthy or poor he feels.

Feeling is experiencing. It's what you experience, and only what you experience that becomes your reality. As long as we choose to experience poverty, we'll remain poor. So, what good is money - wealth - if you don't experience it? What good is money if you don't use it? What good is money if you can't trust spending it?

Trust had been an issue with me for a long time, but it had nothing to do with trusting money. It had everything to do with trusting God and for years I had considered myself a spiritually wealthy woman. But, had I been?

What good is money if you can't trust it? What good is God if you can't trust Him? If a person can't truly trust God, then the most he can do is believe in God. But, belief is nothing more than an indication of a lack of experience. Belief is a process of thinking or feeling that something other or better or greater exists than what you are experiencing right here, right now.

Because experience is your only reality, then once you've experienced something, it becomes part of who you are. So, once you have experienced God and have become God - to the extent that you have experienced God, then simple belief in God is no longer necessary. You no longer have to believe because you know - because you ARE. As you experience God, things such as belief, faith, and hope become meaningless; all of them reflecting a grasping for, or reaching towards that which you do not feel or experience. When you say, "I believe," or "I have hope," or "I have faith'" that things will work out, you're dwelling in a state or condition of emptiness - of non-acceptance for what IS. You are denying the NOW and placing your state of being - your expectation of existence in what is to come. When you say that you trust that God will provide or resolve, you are blinding yourself to seeing that God already IS. God can only BE - right HERE, right NOW, for here and now-- what you are experiencing right now, is your only reality. Trust, hope, belief, and faith point towards the future; wherever God isn't.

So, when you place your energy in hope, faith, belief, and trust, you are acknowledging all that isn't. Since the only reality is what IS, and since God is all that IS, then hope, faith, belief, and trust serve only a false reality; they exist to serve ego.

It's ironic, isn't it? Fully embracing and accepting the moment means saying "I'm without faith. I'm faithless. I'm without hope. I'm hopeless. I'm without trust. I'm without belief." All this goes entirely against what we're taught as being the greatest God-like qualities and what we strive to achieve all our lives.

(c) 10/12/2008

The Most You Can Do

A Being is walking along a beach and sees another Being in the water, struggling to swim and gasping for breath. Recognizing him as a drowning man, this Being jumps into the water and rescues him. He drags the drowning man up onto the beach and administers aid to ensure that the man will live. But, the rescuer sees yet another drowning Being in the water and he rushes off to save the second one, knowing that the first will soon recover.

Along comes another Being walking on the sandy beach and he sees the first Being lying in the sand, thrashing back and forth, struggling for air. Recognizing him as a fish, the Being throws him back into the water.

We each have our own perceptions. So, are all those who we perceive to need healing really in need of being healed - with what we offer as healing? Come to know, love, and heal yourself first. The most and best you can do is simply BE, and to BE with Love. Only then you will come to know when, how, and who to truly heal.

(c) 2/16/2008

God, My Servant

I know a beautician who is facing the loss of her job when the beauty parlor she works in closes its doors and hangs out a "for sale" sign. This woman has decided that she wants to go into business for herself and work out of her home or her own small shop and she's asking others to pray for her; to pray that things will work out that way.

What is this woman really asking? What kind of prayer is she offering to God? Her prayer is not unlike thousands of others offered "up to God" on a daily basis. "Dear God, give me what I want and I won't bother you any more"; or "Dear God, get me through this crisis and I promise I'll be good"; or "Dear God, keep me from having to struggle and I'll love you forever."

In short, all these prayers are saying the same thing; "Dear God, please give in to my fear."

For those who are sincere in their requests, what happens when their prayers are answered (in the manner that they're expected to be answered)? The requester is thankful. The requester loves God even more. But, what kind of thankfulness or love can be built on a foundation of fear? What kind of thanksgiving or love is used as a tool of trade or a bargaining chip or a ticket to by-pass guilt?

For those who are sincere in their requests, what happens when their prayers aren't answered (in the expected manner)? The requester is often angry, confused, depressed, or resentful. And by this, they're punishing God. Maybe if they ignore Him, distrust Him, disobey Him, or show Him just how angry they are, God will be sorry and give them what they want.

If these scenarios seem too childish, examine closely the parallels of a temperamental child with an adult, and a fear-filled human being with God.

Yet, there are also many people who have grown beyond the "Dear God" phase. They can often be heard saying, "I just have to trust God." They "trust" God to know better than they do, what they want or need. Or, they "trust" God to not give them more than they can cope with. Yet so often, when the prayers aren't answered, this trust quickly turns to a sense of betrayal and the requester feels justified with his righteous indignation. Hasn't he merely set up God as a patsy or a "fall guy" for blame?

The underlying cause of all these behaviors is viewing God as outside one's self or apart from one's self. It's so much easier to blame someone or something else as the cause of misfortune or fear. And it's so much easier to allow ego that voice of false humility by attributing an external being with omnipotent power to create all fortune or happiness. Whether we view God as the cause of all fortune or misfortune, we're still placing ourselves in the victim mode.

As humans, we hold many images of God. In whatever form God appears to us, as long as we see that image as something external, we hold that image as our servant - to accept whatever responsibility we want to give it.

But, God is in all things. ALL things - to include every cell of my body, every atom, every nucleus, every DNA code, every thought, every emotion, every sensation, every feeling, every action. God and I are inseparable. All that I am, is God. I AM the Alpha and the Omega. I AM the creator and destroyer of all I experience and all that I AM.

(c) Ronnie Carroll
September 2008

Do You Believe?

My journey began with doubt.

Rene Descartes said, "If you would be a real seeker after truth, it is necessary that at least once in your life you doubt, as far as possible, all things."

I was raised in the Unity Church; never clinging to the dogmatic rituals of Christianity, but accepting its tenets. I couldn't have been more than 9 years old when my belief system - or rather, my thought system began to change. I no longer viewed Jesus as the Son of God. From my perspective, at the time, he was more like the son of the devil; an impostor and a fraud and representing all that was truly ignoble in mankind. I was so uncomfortable with the image of The Christ that I couldn't even speak his name, nor could I look anyone in the eye when they said the name, "Jesus."

I carried that image into my early 20's when I began thinking for myself. After grappling with a lot of guilt about it, I concluded that Jesus wasn't all bad. After all, how many millions throughout the ages lived their lives in homage to, or seeking the grace of The Christ?

So, o.k., I finally admitted that Jesus was a good man; if nothing more than a wise and wonderful prophet. I was comfortable with this image not because it was what I was taught to believe, but was what I came to feel in my heart on my own terms. This image stayed with me well into my 40's until it began to change yet again.

Today, I have an image of Jesus that's far different than what the typical Christian icon presents. I've often thought about what his physical characteristics would be - having been born a Mediterranean Jew, and what his personality would be like, having lived in a society and country oppressed by Roman occupation.

But, I've come to see that my images of the man mean nothing. What matters is how I feel in my heart. Can the same be true for the vast majority of today's American Christian populace? How many people would still see Jesus as the Son of God if they were shown an image of him as an olive-skinned man with a hook nose and an unruly, unkempt tangle of black wavy or curly hair, who might be a bit hollow-cheeked from a poor diet?

From all this, I've asked myself, "What do people love more; Jesus the man, or their image of Jesus as a man? The same question applies to God. Do we worship God or merely the image we hold of God? Are our beliefs nothing more than glorified thoughts? What is the dividing line between a belief system and a thought system? Is there a dividing line at all?

Over the years, I've held many beliefs. In recent years, I've come to experience many spiritual truths. Each truth I experience becomes, in part, who I AM. These truths are as much a part of me as the color of my eyes or the sound of my voice. I no longer have to "believe in" them. Belief is not an option. So, when I ask myself if I believe in God, my answer is "no." What I have come to experience goes far beyond what any amount of belief could ever hope to achieve.

What do you believe? What have you come to know? How has it made you who you are?